Within
by VampireNaomi
Summary: Valmont sits drinking and thinking about stuff...


I don't own JCA and am not making money with this. This was originally a songfic, but I removed the lyrics after the rules of this sitechanged.

**WITHIN**

It was night and the city of San Francisco was fast asleep. Or at least parts of it, there were many who had not even closed their eyes yet.

Small time crooks, drunken, whores, the women who waited their husbands at home and hoped they would not be so drunk than last time... The list would never end.

Valmont was awake too. He sat on a pier and watched the sky covered by dark clouds hoping to see at least one star. He knew how useless it was, nothing in his life had shone in a long time. Not after Shendu took him.

It had not been supposed to go like that; Chan was the one who should have suffered with the self-confident and smug demon, not him. But of course all had gone wrong; it seemed the stars were against him too. Literally, none of them shone and gave him any light.

He let out a sigh and lowered his eyes to see the black water. Black... It reflected his mood well at the moment. He didn't even remember when he had been that depressed in his life, everything sucked. His life, business, body, everything.

And yet he was supposed to be thrilled. Everything should have gone like Shendu had planned: the demon's intention to posses Chan and then open all the demon portals. It had sounded so easy.

He didn't know if he really wanted it, but it was already too late to step back. And he could blame only himself; he had joined the game and promised Shendu all the talismans. And it was no one else than him who had agreed with the demon's plans. It was he who had let promises of unbelievable riches blind him.

He should have known better than mess with ancient demons and their dangerous and insane games. Everything had been so well before, he had been respected, rich and lacked nothing. And then he had bought that cursed statue!

Valmont admitted he had made a mistake. He had wanted to own something special and the Chinese statue of a dragon had seemed to be the most exotic option. But no, what had been supposed to be his best purchase in years had ruined his life.

At first everything had seemed so easy; he had thought it would not be too difficult to get the talismans the demon so badly wanted. And then that cursed Chan had come and ruined everything!

Next to him was a bottle. It was already almost empty even though Valmont didn't remember he had drunk so much. He got rarely drunk, only when he had made a big mistake or it was his birthday. He sneered bitterly at himself, all the booze in the world would not be enough for this mistake.

Everything might have been well if Shendu had not accidentally possessed him. Part of the time the demon stayed in the back of his mind like wanting to make Valmont forget he even existed. It was useless; the man could never forget the demon. Sometimes he even thought he felt two heart beat in his chest, his own and Shendu's. At times he remembered things he had not done, ancient China and magic, blood and massacres. Memories he didn't want to understand.

He stretched his hand and caught the bottle raising it up on his lips. The drink burned in his mouth and throat, but it didn't bother him. It was the other way around, it felt good to know he would soon be confused enough to forget all that even for a moment.

Valmont blinked while putting the bottle back. He didn't really remember where he had got it, maybe Finn had given it? At least the drink seemed to be something the Irishman would choose. The man, if it had really been Finn, had thought Valmont needed cheering up after their completely failed mission and he had been right. Pity no one could ever give him what he desired the most.

Freedom.

They had just returned from California and Shendu had raged at them, like usually. Everything was their fault again, the fact that Chan with his family had managed to banish Tchang Zu back. Nothing ever went right and that they were just a group of pitiful mortals. Valmont didn't really know what happened during these tantrums, he was imprisoned in his own mind at the time, but he had some disturbingly clear memories.

Ratso's eyes wide with fear, Chow covering his face, Finn spitting blood and Hak Foo who stood there proudly taking every punishment the demon gave, like it was his duty.

At first the demon had not hurt anyone, screaming and raging had been enough, but now when three demons were already banished before they were really even free he had totally lost it. And his Enforces were the ones who suffered because of it.

Shendu used Valmont's own body against his men and Valmont thanked his luck he was not there to see everything that happened. It was enough to see the consequences and know it was all done with his hands.

Today had been the worst time, Shendu had been really mad. Ratso had been the one to take most of it, the man's left eye had been swollen, three of his fingers broken and he had been very quiet for the rest of the day. Valmont didn't want to think what would happen if freeing the next demon failed too.

He didn't remember how long he had been sitting there and it didn't even matter. And he had no idea why he had started drinking. He guessed there was a reason; he just didn't remember it anymore.

A cold breath of wind made him shiver and he grabbed the bottle again to warm himself. He shook his head a bit and wondered if Shendu tasted everything he ate and drank. He frowned, the idea bothered him.

He had no privacy nowadays, Shendu was with him in everything he did and experienced. Often the demon even stopped him from doing something and it just made Valmont angrier toward the demon and the world. Oh, he wished he could have at least one day for himself, just him and no demons.

But it was useless to even dream about it, Shendu would not leave him before all seven of his siblings were free and the demon could have his own body. Valmont was sure it would never happen; Chan would take care of it.

It really was kind of ironic, the way Chan banished all of the demons back declaring he was fighting for the world and doing the right thing. And yet, while doing that he had completely destroyed the life of one man. Valmont had no fallacies; he knew that even if the portals were opened the demons would never walk free in the world again. And to him it was worse than death.

He raised his eyes again and frowned in surprise. The clouds had moved a bit so that one star shone up in the dark sky. It was a dim star, but still Valmont felt like he was not completely alone anymore. But then again, he wasn't, Shendu would always be there with him. Everywhere he went and with everything he ever did.

With a sigh he put his hand in his pocket. He didn't really know why he did it; it just felt like the right thing to do. He flinched when his fingers touched something that should not have been there. It was cold and the metal felt soothing against his skin. He wrapped his fingers around it. A pocket-knife.

He pulled it out and watched how the dim light of a streetlight played on its shining surface. The knife was very sharp; a careless user could really hurt oneself with it. Valmont frowned.

And he remembered why he had come there alone and drunk. It was so clear now, he didn't want anyone to see him and he had needed something that would give him courage. When sober he would not have dared to even try, the mere thought made cold shivers go down his spine. But he wasn't sober now; the booze warmed him from inside like the endless fire of Shendu.

The light flashed on the edge of the knife when he examined it in his fingers. He had been full of that all, right? And he had drunk for this one purpose, to be finally free and get rid of Shendu. To leave somewhere where the demon could never find him, to curl up and sleep without being afraid of dreams that didn't belong to him.

Would he dare to do it? The knife really was sharp, it would be so easy. He grabbed the almost empty bottle again and drank everything there was. Heck, if he was going to leave he would do at least one thing properly.

Valmont pressed the edge of the knife against the soft skin of his wrist. He needed only one cut and that would be it, only few millimeters deeper. He gazed at the sky, but the star had disappeared again. He bit his lip and sighed once more before pressing the knife...

And that was all he managed to do before he felt everything going away and the world disappearing. He lost the feeling of his own body and didn't feel his fingers again, not to talk about the knife. _No, no, no,_ he thought desperately and tried to fight. This could not be happening! Not now when he had been so close!

Shendu glared at the knife with his red eyes and turned it up and down in his hands. "This is enough Valmont. Honestly, I never expected you to choose the way of a coward, not even when you were drunk," the demon hissed in despise and threw the knife away.

It sank quickly in the bottom of the sea where no one ever picked it up.

**THE END**


End file.
